


Acceptance is an Untold Truth to Love

by Misfit_Meraki



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Asexual Nines, Asexuality, Communication, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Ken Doll Android Anatomy | Androids Have No Genitalia (Detroit: Become Human), M/M, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, No Sex, No Smut, Non Explicit Sexual References, Post Evolution, allosexual gavin, non explicit masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misfit_Meraki/pseuds/Misfit_Meraki
Summary: Not all of us show love the same way, and because of this misunderstandings run rapid. Sex isn’t everything, and it’s a lesson that changes less than expected.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 11
Kudos: 141





	Acceptance is an Untold Truth to Love

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT A SEX REVOLVED FIC. IT WILL NOT HAVE SEXUAL TENSION NOR WILL IT END IN SMUT. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT ACCEPTANCE. TO ANY ASEXUALS OUT THERE, KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU ARE NOT BROKEN OR WRONG IN ANY WAY! LOVE YOURSELF AND ONE DAY SOMEONE WILL LOVE YOU FOR YOU! 💕💕💕

“Yes… This is adequate,” Nines comments to himself, lightly brushing his fingers upward, a petal forming just beneath the pads of his digits. It appears as numbers first, gradually fading into a bold vermilion. He smiles to himself, pleased as he lightly places his hand under it, smelling the newly formed flower. Eventually, he takes a step back, allowing himself to take in the sight of his newly made mind palace. It was near completion. It had most definitely taken more time than he had originally hoped, but you can't rush something you expect perfection from. Its current state satisfied him, no doubt, but a project is never complete, only abandoned.

He smiled, seating himself on the couch he had created only a few days prior. 

He modeled his palace after Gavin's apartment. It felt odd at first, recreating an existing location, but soon he grew comfortable with doing so. It hadn't looked _exactly_ like Gavin's home, of course. He had taken creative liberties to make the location much more… Livable. He added flowers, plants, decor. It was still Gavin's home, but more… Welcoming. Regardless, additions or not, this was where he felt safest. Even if it was… Empty. In a social instance.

He had considered recreating Gavin into his palace, but he always came back to the words of his former. He didn’t need a digital copy anymore. The real thing was out there, in his reach. So, despite the urges for his previous mental companionship, he leaves the idea be, allowing himself time to be alone and away from others. 

Speaking of which, he can’t help but smile fondly to himself at the thought of his partner. He often came here to reflect on their current state, more proud of their progress each time. They’d been closer now than ever. Gavin had resisted his affection at first, troubled by his lasting support. He kept pressing the idea of ”buyers remorse, ” anticipating that any day to be the day Nines backed out. Nines was never fazed by this, he knew this was only a test of his will, his dedication.

Of course, their closeness had brought some… Problems.

Things were perfect. They were always touching each other in some way, holding hands, sharing chaste kisses, cuddling. It was everything he had wanted.

Then Gavin got drunk. 

A tough case had caused the man to fall back on a habit he once had for comfort. He was not an alcoholic by any means, but sometimes he indulged more than an average human should. Nines understood to a certain degree. Humans found comfort in numbing their emotions, but what he couldn't fathom was the need to forget. He wasn't programmed to lose data. He would always remember everything, good or bad, traumatizing or gratifying, it was always there. He couldn't imagine what he'd be without his memories. He’d still be-

Regardless of that, he still found trouble processing the event that had happened days prior. 

Gavin was intoxicated, mumbling unintelligibly to him. It was normal at first, Gavin falling into the couch, pushing himself until his head rested on Nine's shoulder, holding him close as an attempt to cuddle. Nines smiled and leaned down to kiss him. 

It was sloppy, nothing less than expected, but it quickly went from chaste to something they’ve never shared. Nines wasn’t one to shy away from his lovers affection, so he happily accepted it as Gavin lifted his leg lazily over his thighs, straddling his lap. Nines carefully let his hand fall to his hip, resting there gently.

But his kisses got quicker, more hungry, then he began to get worried. He knew what kisses like this ended with. He knew he couldn’t fulfill anything past this. He pulled himself back slightly, allowing Gavin to breathe. 

“Fuck…” Gavin huffs as he breathes out, lowering his head. “You’re so warm.” He says, resting his head against the nape of his neck, placing light kisses and nips to it.

Nines felt it of course, but it wasn’t like a human would. He registered a pressure, nothing else. His thirium pump aches as Gavin starts whispering to him. “You’re so fucking pretty, so good for me.” Gavin lowers his hands to his chest. Nervous, Nines quickly takes his hand in his own, moving it away from his midsection.

He felt terrible, more so when he scans Gavin. Consent wasn’t even a question, he was too intoxicated. Even if he wanted to, which he didn’t, he couldn’t.

Luckily he didn’t have to, the kisses slowly fade into heavy breathing, then light snores. 

Nines lets out a large sigh in relief. He wouldn’t have to worry about disappointing his partner. Not yet. 

He knows Gavin would never do anything to hurt him, he trusts him, but humans had urges, instincts, things he didn’t have. It was only natural for this to happen with them being as close as they were. 

Nines brings his free hand to his partners back, rubbing it gently, slowly bringing it up to his hair, running his fingers through it in calming motions.

They’d have to talk about this if he remembered. There was a eighty three percent chance that he wouldn’t, but he’d still give an attempt.

Nines shifts slightly, holding him close and powering off for the night.

This whole situation sat on his mind for days, it plagued him everytime he looked at Gavin. He hadn’t remembered so the topic went unspoken, the only place this event existed now was in his mind.

Nines sighs, allowing his head to fall into the palms of his hands, a highly human-like habit he had adopted during his frustrations. He didn’t know how long he could pretend to be unbothered by this. 

It wasn’t that he felt unsafe or unheard, it was more guilt. Guilt that he wasn’t enough, guilt that he could be but was too selfish to become what his partner wanted. He was a machine, an incomplete mold of what a human should be. Of what a human should want. He didn’t want sex. He understood it enough to know this to be true. He didn’t want to change himself, he wanted to be happy, to not feel broken, but he was. He’d never be enough.

He hugs himself, cursing his self-pity.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell when a sound breaks through his palace. 

_Gavin._

He blinks himself to reality. He was sat on Gavin’s couch. He had stayed the night over to work on a case, more so a cover-up to watch over Gavin during the night. ra9 knows the man didn’t need time alone to self destruct.

It’s silent for a moment and Nines almost considers a malfunction when he hears it again. A grunt.

Gavin was either having a nightmare or he was hurt. Either way, he acted quickly, standing and hastily making his way down the hallway. Another grunt. Nines opens the door, ready to speak but falls short when he sees that the man is awake, but has his eyes closed. He feels himself go rigid as he notices the man had a hand down his boxers, his pants thrown to the floor. A bead of sweat drips down the man's face as he whimpers again.

Oh. _Oh._

He internally debates speaking, but decides against it, slowly closing the door as quietly as he can. 

Nines felt cold. 

All those thoughts of ”I'm not enough” was now a proven reality. How often did Gavin do this? Why was he only hearing it now? Had he wanted Nines to hear him? What was he thinking about? Someone better than him? Someone who could fulfill his needs? 

A human?

Nines suddenly felt bitter. He grimaced to himself, walking back to the living room and grabbing his coat thoughtlessly.

He’d stay somewhere else for the night.

He puts it on and opens the front door, slamming it behind him as he made his way into the night.

Gavin could figure his leave on his own.

*****

Nines comes to work earlier than usual, placing himself on Gavin and his shared desk.

He’s still upset, fuming at the thought of last night. He was rather tired of Gavin’s miscommunication. If there was one single thing he could change, it would be that.

Gavin hadn’t texted him. Surprising, especially since a slam like that couldn’t have gone unheard. Knowing this only frustrates him more as he begins to internally open his files. He delves into his work, hardly hearing Gavin come in.

“Hey, tin can.” He greets per usual. “You’re here early.” 

Nines says nothing, his led continues to cycle a rapid yellow.

Gavin tilts his head slightly, trying to meet Nine's eyes. “Meat sack to tincan, do you copy?” 

Nines glares to the side, away from Gavin.

“Guess you’re in a mood.” He decides, taking a seat. “You gonna talk about it or am I gonna have to guess?” He asks, propping his feet on his desk. “Is it connected to the whole, “let’s slam Gavin’s front door at three am and get a noise complaint” problem?” 

Nines scrunches his nose as he looks over to Gavin. “Pretending to care now, I see?” 

Gavin hesitates but doesn’t allow it to be obvious to any passing officer. “I- Whatever, tincan. I was sleeping. Thought maybe you needed some time alone or something, I don’t know.” 

“Time alone.” He repeats. “Well then, I apologize for disrupting your “sleep.” I assure you it won’t happen again, Detective.”

Gavin cringed. Nines had stopped calling him Detective when they had started their relationship. It didn’t take an extensive thought process to recognize that Nines was upset with him. 

“Nines- I-“ 

“I’ll go get you a coffee.” 

“No wait, come back here for a minute!”

Nines provides a glance over his shoulder, waiting for a response.

“I uh-“ he hesitates openly now, “add one sugar instead of two… Rough night. Need the caffeine.” 

“Sure thing, detective.” 

*****

Once they finish the work day, they head to Gavin’s apartment to review the details they collected. Nines briefly debates his willingness to go home with the detective but instead decided to label this session as a professional analysis of the case. They don't talk during the drive, but the tension is thick and stressful enough to cut with a knife. Both feel it but keep to themselves, stubbornness fuels them into refusing to acknowledge it.

Nines typically is straight forward, skipping passive aggressive behavior to simply stating the truth and facts into a logical form. Yet this felt different. He didn’t know how to put his emotions into words, he only knew how to mutely express them, and from what he gathered, Gavin was beyond pissed as observed through his passive-aggressive behavior and dripping sarcasm.

Neither of them was ready to clear the air as they walked to Gavin’s apartment. Nines watched quietly as Gavin opened the door where he follows him in. The door squeaks and moves unsteadily. He concludes that was his doing but doesn’t give attention to the matter.

They begin their ritual. They start up their devices and proceed to work. They don't speak unless necessary, but eventually, Gavins had enough.

”I’ve noticed a pattern between these two cases, would you mind taking a look?” Nines passes his tablet to the detective, awaiting his response. He rolls his eyes and hands it back.

“I’ve already reviewed this. There is no correlation. Might wanna get your little Sherlock Holmes program checked.” 

Nines furrows his brows and takes the tablet back, resisting the urge to snatch it. “Well, _Detective,_ I’ve noted that you seem to overlook small details such as _these._ ” 

Nines shows him again, zooming in on a specific piece of jewelry. 

“So what? It's a nice necklace, could be a coincidence.” 

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean we should simply discard the situation like most other things we seem to discard.” 

Gavin’s face scrunches as he looks to the android. “Well, maybe if you provided, I don't know, a fucking exposition, we wouldn’t have shit like that go unnoticed, huh?”

“I’m sorry I’ve merely caught you with your pants down once again.” 

They continue to glare at each other, their work second nature as they continue to seeth.

“I fail to see how it’s my fault that you can’t pick up on small details clearly left behind for you.” 

“Well I’m _so_ sorry that I can’t know everything that’s going on you fuckin’ know it all!” 

“I only know it all because I actually take the time to care about others emotions and observe consistent traits of others!” 

“Well I’m sorry I’m not perfect like you! Incase you haven’t figured it out I don’t know how the fuck emotions work, and when the fuck to use them! I’m sorry that you’re pissed off that I’m only a human!” 

“Well maybe you should apologize for yelling as if it’ll increase the size of your genitalia as all you humans seem to do!” 

“Atleast I fuckin’ have a dick you flat lumped piece of metal!” 

They both freeze at this statement, one that Gavin immediately regrets.

“Nines- I-“

“This isn’t about the case anymore,” his eyes downcast, “is it?”

Gavin slowly sits back down. “No… It isn’t.” 

They continue to marinate in the hard silence they’ve created, neither of them daring to speak first. Nines feels his pump stutter periodically as his eyes begin to feel heavy with a new weight he’s yet to feel. 

“I remember that night you know…” 

Nines head suddenly lifts up, meeting Gavin’s down turned head.

“I didn’t at first, but pieces came back and turned into a whole picture.” Nines stay silent, letting Gavin continue, “I practically assaulted you- and- I don’t know. I didn’t want to talk about it because, Jesus, how the fuck could I have done that-“ 

Nines is quickly making his way to the other end of the couch, catching Gavin’s hand before it can begin pulling at his hair.

“You didn’t “assault me,” Gavin. If anything… It could be viewed the other way around.” 

“How the fuck could it possibly-“ 

“You were intoxicated, much above the limit for consent. I allowed you to act rather than putting you to bed.” 

“But-“ 

“No. It’s unfair for us to title what happened that night as “assault.” It was a misunderstanding.” He sighs. “One that I caused.” 

“Nines, you didn’t-“ 

“Yes I-“

“Would you let me speak for more than a fuckin’ second?!” 

Nines closes his mouth, meeting his partner's eyes.

“I’m sorry I pushed you. I know we aren’t-“ he backtracks, “we aren’t as alike as we want to be.” He says, nodding slightly. “And I want you to know I’m okay with that, as much as it seems like I’m not.” 

Nines turns his head away as Gavin reaches to touch his face.

“I’m not enough for you.”

“Nines…” 

“I saw you… Last night.” 

The air goes stale, Gavin pulls back completely and Nines fears he’s made a mistake. He’s left untouched for a moment until Gavin finds a way into his lap, forcing Nines to look at him. “Listen tincan.” He says, his voice strong, “that shit ain’t got nothing to do with you.” He looks to the left, and sighs, “not completely…” 

Nines is about to ask how so before he’s mentally interrupted with the continuation of Gavin’s words.

“I was thinking about you.. I’ll admit it. But not sexually. That might sound really _really_ fucking weird, but it’s not, I think.” He adjusts himself in Nine's lap. “I think about us. How caring you are, how even though I’m a piece of shit, you still take care of me.” Gavin places a lone hand on his chest. “I think about how amazing it is to have you.” Nines rests his head on Gavin’s, still looking away. “I’m lucky to have you, Nines. In any way you’ve offered.” 

Nines face melds into one of hurt. “But… I’m not good enough for you. I’ll never be enough or what you want- I’m-“ he sighs shakily. “I’m incomplete.” 

“You’ve been complete for me in more ways I can explain.” 

Gavin pulls back, and Nines is sure this was Gavin’s form of “buyers remorse” But is instead met with a hand lifting his chin, forcing him to look up. 

“I want to try something.” He says, carefully.

Gavin kisses him chastely, placing his hand back to his chest, feeling Nines thirium pump whir beneath his fingers. Slowly he reaches lower. “Can I?” He asks, his voice softer than he’s ever heard. Nines nods, unsure.

Gavin slowly lowers his hands and Nines breathing hitched as they brush past the waistband of his pants.

“G-Gavin-“ 

“Shhh… It’s okay.” 

Despite the intent, the touches aren’t sexual, more calculated and caring. Gavin looks up one last time for permission before gingerly placing his hand over Nine's flat gentinital plate.

A sudden flood of emotion floods over Nines as Gavin presses a kiss to his cheek and then his lips. It’s overwhelmingly loving and light, capturing him into a genuine question of “why?” 

“Gavin- I-“ 

“I don’t care what you are.” He says, resting his head on his shoulder. “I don’t care that you’re blank down there, or that you don’t want to have anything there even if you have the choice.” Gavin presses light kisses to his neck. “I care about you. Not the little bells and whistles that Cyberlife offers.” 

Nines feels Gavin smile against his neck. 

“I love you, Nines.” 

Suddenly the heaviness of his eyes release, a single tear begins to flow down his cheek as Gavin rubs a thumb gently back and forth over his plate like he would his hand.

“I love you just the way you are.” 

Nines sniffles, tears now flowing quickly and unsteadily down his face.

He’s never cried before, until now he hadn’t even known he was capable of it. Even in the worst of moments he’s held it in. He was supposed to be brave, stable, mature. But now…

Gavin sits back, using his other hand to rub the tears away from his eyes.

“Shh... It’s okay, let it out.” 

The cries turn into light sobs, and Gavin only looks at him with loving eyes, wiping away and kissing his tears, cooing words of encouragement to him.

“I-I-“

“You don’t have to say anything.” Gavin whispers, “you can just let yourself go.” 

Nines nods, tears now flowing freely down his cheeks. He’s unsure if they’re tears of joy or fear or sadness but what he does know is that his shoulders are beginning to feel lighter as Gavin continues to hold him close. He finally feels… Content. Not that he’s never felt that way before, but this time… It was different.

They spend the night like this, Gavin softly murmuring words of love into his ear.

Eventually, they fall asleep like this, Gavin’s hand still holding him protectively, a clear message that no matter what, he accepts him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most “sexual” fic I’ve ever wrote, but I hope it relays some type of message. I’ve struggled with my sexuality a lot. I’ve endured a lot of trauma, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy sex like most others do, and I’m trying to be okay with that, as broken as it makes me feel. I hope one day someone will accept me for being what I am, and I hope someday I find a title for whatever this part of me is.


End file.
